Seeking parish harmony

By listening, not denouncing; empathizing, not ridiculing; understanding, not dismissing.

I’ve experienced three kinds of parish annual meetings: 

Harmony through engagement, humility and respect. Meetings with an open and free flow of information. Meetings in which people listen with respect to one another. A joyful parish.

Harmony by being victorious over those with different opinions and ideas. Those in which people yell at one another. Meetings with an agitated climate. An angry parish

Harmony through suppression. Meetings in which few questions are asked or uncomfortable ideas expressed. And when such do surface the priest or a warden quickly shut things down. A fearful parish

The last parish meeting I was in was the first kind. The rector and the senior warden moved us through the agenda with a light touch. Parishioners asked questions and made comments. There was little of the inquisitor type behavior in response to reports, maybe just a bit. It was met with transparency and good spirit. The rector and senior warden allowed the time and emotional space for people to say whatever they wanted to say and to ask whatever they wanted to ask. They were responded to with good humor and answers that were complete and respectful.

It was an example of knowing parish harmony as the love of God worked in and through the Body of Christ. There was some disagreement.  Difficult issues and questions were raised and addressed. It was harmony through engagement, humility, and respect.  

In a recent article in the NY Times, Bret Stephen wrote of a pathway toward national unity—“By listening, not denouncing ; empathizing, not ridiculing; understanding, not dismissing.” Sounds a bit like Saint Francis doesn’t it?

In this age we seem to find it difficult to listen to ideas and information that makes us uncomfortable. The response in the Office says, “And guide us in the way of justice and truth.” We seem to have more and more difficulty holding the two together or believing that others may see a truth that we have missed.

We live in a time when the bearers of uncomfortable news are more likely to be ignored, maligned, and punished. Of course, it’s not really new. We’ve all heard about killing the messenger. We look back on the Watergate work of Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein and see vocational integrity and heroic action. A seeking of justice and truth. But we know that things often move in another direction—the whistleblower is exposed and threatened, the Navy Seals who told the truth are disregarded and denigrated, and Jewish students who support Israel are threatened and intimidated. 

In recent years I’ve heard clergy calling for a form of “collegiality” that asks for the suppression of uncomfortable ideas and questions. It sounds a lot like the blue wall of silence. As always the church is both of this world and of the kingdom.

So, it’s a big deal when a parish has an annual meeting, and more broadly lives a life, “by listening, not denouncing ; empathizing, not ridiculing; understanding, not dismissing.”

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