Belonging while not fitting in

We thank thee for thy mercies of blood, for thy redemption by blood, For the blood of thy martyrs and saints shall enrich the earth, shall create holy places. From such ground springs that which forever renews the earth. Though it is forever denied. T .S. Eliot

I look on the wall and see the images of 29 saints. There’s Jon Daniels and Frances Perkins, Allan Crite and Christina Rossetti, Frank Weston and Bernard Mizeki, John Keble and Lydia Sellon, Robert Dolling and Sister Constance and 19 others.  I pray the Office with them each day. In the months of Pandemic, they and the plants are faithful companions.

They all belonged while not fitting in. There were people uncomfortable in their presence during their earthly lives. I wouldn’t be surprised, if even now in Glory, they have a certain joyous discomfort with one another. That’s the thing about the saints isn’t it—we’re in community with them even if we don’t understand them, like them and strongly disagree with them.

In one sense this is a part the of the earlier postings:

To be in community with people that we don’t understand, we may not like, and we disagree with

To be in community with people that we don’t understand, we may not like, and we disagree with #2

I found myself gazing at the icons this morning and understanding the discomfort of so many others. And I also thought of Eliot’s writing on Thomas Becket. These, now in glory, are gifts of God to humanity to show us God’s love, to warn and lead us back to God’s ways. 

This morning’s reflection from Bishop Peter Eaton begins with Brene Brown’s distinction between belonging and fitting in. “By ‘fitting in,’ she means that instinct that we have to be calculating in our responses, actions, and thoughts so that the group into which we wish to fit will find no objection to our presence and participation. This is, of course, something we all learn to do very early.”

He goes on to explain and critique Brown’s understanding of belonging.

But “belonging,” Brown says, is different. And she is absolutely right. To belong is not the consequence of calculation, but of vulnerability, and she also remarks that the first person to whom we ought to belong is ourselves. I like Brown’s work, and she is extremely thoughtful about vulnerability, creativity, and courage, so I think that I know what she is getting at.  There is an obvious sense that we must occupy a place of integrity in ourselves if we are to be able to be in any relationship of consequence with others. Yet for those who profess the Christian faith, to belong first to ourselves is as precarious as handing ourselves over to any other unreliable person, hoping that such a refuge might be a tabernacle for everlasting.  If I were to depend on myself for myself, it would be a disaster (as it often is when I do precisely that).  For those who profess the Christian faith, our first belonging cannot be to ourselves; our first belonging must be to God.  Ours is not a self-help religion, but a grace-filled religion, and only God provides the reliability that enables the security that makes true vulnerability possible. 

All the saints on my wall had to work out a life not focused upon “fitting in” but on a belonging that was “a place of integrity” in themselves and finally a belonging to God. The Rule of the Order of the Ascension includes this quote from Thomas Merton.

Our vocation is not simply to be, but to work together with God in the creation of our own life, our own identity, our own destiny-to work out our own identity in God, which the Bible calls 'working out salvation’  is a labor which requires sacrifice and anguish, risk and many tears.

That task belongs to us all. We who are not understood, not liked, and in disagreement with others—that is to say all of us. Those who seek to ignore and expel others and those who are ignored and expelled. All working together with God, “working out salvation.” As Fr. Kevin is want to say, “Need to give one another some slack.” Or as Bishop Peter puts it, a belonging not grounded in "fitting in" but on love.

As we give thanks to God today for all the saints whom the Church has recognised for this obvious belonging in their lives, it does us no harm at all to ask ourselves what keeps us from handing ourselves more completely over to God’s belonging.  This first belonging will enable all the other belonging our hearts desire, for we shall come to every other relationship with that fundamental integrity that is illumined by light and truth.  And such belonging is grounded not in calculation, like “fitting in,” but on love. 

Almighty God, you have knit together your elect in one
communion and fellowship in the mystical body of your Son
Christ our Lord: Give us grace so to follow your blessed saints
in all virtuous and godly living, that we may come to those
ineffable joys that you have prepared for those who truly love
you; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who with you and the Holy
Spirit lives and reigns, one God, in glory everlasting. Amen.

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