Q & A: Take Counsel – Stop Grumbling
Friday, June 8, 2018 at 9:07AM 
Q – What can I do with myself? At times I feel as though I’m choking on old resentments. Things that happened years ago and I’m still dwelling in them. It’s like living in a house that filled up with old newspapers and has cobwebs and spiders in all the corners.
Fifteen years ago, George was parish treasurer. He stole some money from the offering and was caught. The parish didn’t press criminal charges and George apologized and fessed up to having done it before. He repaid the money he had taken. George was allowed to stay in the parish. I’ve never been okay with that. But now he’s been elected to the vestry. There’s a group of us that have been talking about this at coffee hour. I’m having a resentment flare-up.
A – First you might notice how split you are within yourself. You’re disturbed by the resentment you’re carrying and at the same time nurturing that resentment with the old story. Second, you’re grumbling – in your heart and at coffee hour.
Let me focus on your soul. My opinion of George staying in the parish and now getting elected to the vestry has no value.
Four actions you might consider:
Spend some time reflecting on the wisdom of Holy Scripture
So when you are offering your gift at the altar, if you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift. (Matt 5: 23 -24)
Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger (Ephesians 4:26)
Those who say, ‘I love God’, and hate their brothers or sisters, are liars; for those who do not love a brother or sister whom they have seen, cannot love God whom they have not seen. (1 John 4:20)
Get out your Prayer Book and turn to page 447. You need to make your confession. Just remember that you are confessing your sin not George’s.
Stop participating in the grumbling corner at coffee hour. You are feeding the worst part of yourself. You are also helping to create a parish climate of resentment, holding grudges, and self-righteousness.
Make use of “The Invitation 2018: Take Counsel – Stop Grumbling.” Consider reading a section each day. Allow yourself to be healed. You might begin with “Everyone has a need to be forgiven.”
There’s much more of course but those four acts might be a good beginning.
Q – Parish life seems rushed and busy. Even Sunday morning is crowded with activities. The Eucharist has to be done in no more than one hour. People have little chance to catch up with one another because there’s an adult forum in place of the coffee hour. Frequently there are committee meetings after that. What can I do?
A – Saint Benedict begins his Rule for living in community with “Listen carefully …with the ear of your heart.” Our ability to be obedient to God and live in mutual obedience in community is directly related to our willingness to listen and competence in listening.
It sounds as though your parish has shaped its life in a way that makes listening difficult even if you are willing and able to listen.
Let’s focus on your soul.
Things you might consider doing:
Speak with the rector about what you are experiencing. Don’t be argumentative. Just share the effect it’s having on you. That’s being a responsible participant in the Body of Christ. Once you’ve done that – let it go.
Reflect on Bishop Scott Benhase’s comments on “Holy Obedience.”
The threefold process of holy obedience – is listening to God in the Scriptures, and the prayers of the church, and in the voices of those around us.
You may not be able to slow down the pace of Sunday morning but you can slow down your pace and take time to listen in those three ways.
Do you know how to use the Lectio Divina method of praying the scriptures? Try to learn it and then arrive a few minutes early on Sunday and look at the readings for that day. Here’s the lectionary.
You can expand your listening to God in the prayers of the church by saying the Daily office each day. Some on-line ways of saying it
There's a Virtual Morning Prayer in the Diocese of Georgia. Mondays through Fridays, 9 am Georgia time, you can turn on your computer or smart phone, log onto Facebook and join a live Morning Prayer service. It's easy to join the group, just click on this link Morning Prayer in GA and ask to join.
Take someone to breakfast or lunch on Sunday before or after the Eucharist. Talk, listen.
You may want to participate in The Invitation 2018: Take Counsel – Stop Grumbling.
If you’re one of the baptized seeking to deepen your spiritual life – use the web page for your reflections for a month. If you’re a priest or lay leader – you may find help on the web page to improve the climate of the parish.
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