A stubborn mind

Real parish development isn’t possible when you are of a stubborn mind.

Parish development efforts require leaders who are adaptable while at the same time holding firm to the parish’s identity and integrity. They need to understand what parishioners’ value about the parish as it has been over time. They need to learn about and appreciate what the parish has done at its best over the years. They need to understand the ethos of Anglicanism and nurture that in the parish’s culture. They need to love the parish and its people; to see it as a microcosm of the Body of Christ – one, holy, catholic, and apostolic. 

At Morning Prayer

I got onto this during Morning Prayer today. The Office had a reading from Ecclesiasticus. – “stubborn mind” was mentioned twice.

A stubborn mind will fare badly at the end … A stubborn mind will be burdened by troubles (3:26-27)

And

It went nicely with the second reading from Acts 28

You will indeed listen, but never understand,
   and you will indeed look, but never perceive. 
For this people’s heart has grown dull,
   and their ears are hard of hearing,
     and they have shut their eyes;
     so that they might not look with their eyes,
   and listen with their ears,

Letting go

I’m seventy-four this week. At times I think I’m the same 12 year-old growing up on Augusta Street in Philadelphia -- glad to have friends; playing handball against the factory wall; looking forward to Friday evening with the family, TV and Breyers ice cream. Also, scared, wanting to belong, bored with church, willing to try things and afraid I’d fail, beginning to long for something larger and more significant in life but not knowing what that was. A kid – confused and absolutely certain, timidity with grit.

I think I’ve grown to be less stubborn and more persevering. Slowly, bit-by-bit, measured by decades. I used to say the Creed and want to revise it. Because I knew it didn’t make sense. Now I assume there’s a lot I don’t know and don’t understand. I’m amazed at how much the Church got right. I used to know how to solve the problems of society. Now I accept that sin will not go away and, even so, I’m to fight under His banner. The older I get the more I appreciate Aunt E’s insistence that I be baptized.

I know some of the moments when the shift was in process -- from stubbornness to perseverance. When I wanted a leave-of-absence from seminary (no one did that back then). I wanted to do community organizing. Dean Harris said, ‘You can have the leave. And I want you to know that there’s as much sin in this place as there is out there.”  And a few years later when the field education director stood with me and other seminarians looking out the Refectory windows, and said, “I know that Mr. Gallagher has grown over these years. He’s quieter.”

As the very young vicar of Saint Elisabeth’s, I was proud that we stopped the decline and began to increase in membership; that we became known for serving the neighborhood; and that bishop no longer wanted to close us. What made it possible for me to play a role in all that were the routine of the parish’s daily office and the early moments of humiliation and humility – having parishioners push back on a decision I made about how we would celebrate Easter and crying in front of lay parish leaders, and asking their forgiveness, when I made a serious mistake in how I fired an employee.

In both those examples, being pushed on and the tears, I had to let go of being “right” (it wasn’t easy, and it had to be in that moment, not later after "consideration"), and allow myself to be “one” with these people I hardly knew. I was able to go into my second year with them knowing that we trusted one another, that we were in this together, and what we were “in” was God.

In both cases we worked out a way forward that accomplished what I had sought. In both cases the parishioners ended up affirming what I wanted to do. Those things could happen because they insisted on being heard, and I was willing to listen to them, be responsive to their concerns, and let go of being “right.”

More recently

Cancer helped. 2010 was a year of humiliation, humility and perseverance. A time of Grace. Being stubborn had no place to be.

Benedict wants us to meditate on death. As I age, I find that the opportunities for such meditation comes easily and frequently. Less a discipline, more an awareness.

What else has been helpful for me? I think the part of my temperament drawn to harmony and curiosity has, at times joined with my decision to take a stance of forgiveness – and that causes the stubbornness to ease. Over fifty years of the daily office has helped me return to the awareness of the presence of God, the angels, and the whole company of heaven. For me, it’s a way in which I have been oriented toward God’s perspective and company. Human relations and organization development training gave me concrete skills for listening and shaping listening parishes.

There are parts of your temperament that are gifts of God; there are stances, decisions about attitude, that we can each make such as forgiveness and listening; and there are practices we can learn and engage – that will place us in the pathways of grace. What are the gifts, decisions and practices you need to accept and learn? 

For what it’s worth

I still find myself with a stubborn mind at times, many times. Maybe less than some years ago.

I don’t think I get to abolish the stubborn mind. I do think that God nudges me to be gentle and humble and kind. And, more now than before, I’m a bit more likely to understand and perceive. But just to remind me of how Reality works, God allows my stubborn mind to come forward at times.

For what it’s worth, here is what I learned. I’m not going to get it right all the time. I frequently find myself initially in a stubborn place. What I can trust in, is the One-that-stands-alongside me, the Gentle One, the Humble One -- God will nudge and guide me toward holy perseverance.

Real parish development isn’t possible when you are of a stubborn mind.

A stubborn mind will fare badly at the end. A persevering mind will find joy and true life.

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